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"...and here will be the news..."

So the other night I dreamt that I was in the local library, leafing through the papers in the archive section. It transpired that I was in the future, and so was in the unique position of being able to see the news before it's even happened. Here's a sample of what I can remember....

March, 2010

36th Agriculture Minister In Three Years Appointed
Prime Minister Horie apologised to the Japanese people yesterday for the ongoing fiasco at the Ministry of Agriculture following the 36th resignation from the Minister's post in as many months. Financial scandals have....

July, 2014

Asashyoru 's World Cup Glory
Former sumo champion-turned-football supremo, Asashyoru, scored the winning goal in the dying minutes of the World Cup final last night to secure Mongolia's first football title.......Beckham, who recently obtained Mongolian citizenship, was on the bench for the entire game (injured)....

March, 2016
New Sony Playstation Game Raises Eyebrows
In a bid to impress gamers with ever more realistic video games, a new game, Battle Me Up, comes complete with real guns and bullets, as well as a handy first aid kit....

September, 2023
Smoking Ban Comes Into Effect
The much-publicised smoking ban came into effect on Saturday, forcing smokers into enclosed spaces should they wish to light up. Health officials believe that banning smoking outside will greatly reduce the number of unfortunate accidents where....

October, 2025
Koizumi's Hair Defects To China
A bald Koizumi held a press conference yesterday, announcing that his hair had defected to China. He said that he awoke in the early hours of Tuesday to discover a note from his hair.....

July, 2067
SMAP Embark On First Wheelchair Tour
Still popular after all these years and despite being senile, SMAP embarked on their latest countrywide tour yesterday. Though they're unable to dance with their legs, they have choreographed some impressive wheelchair routines, and singing through their voice boxes doesn't sound as bad as was first feared....

December, 2380
Population Crisis Worsens
Japan's population crisis deepened yesterday after the death of 94-year-old Yoshiko Sugimoto, reducing the population to just four. The remaining citizens.....

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On Monday, 10 September, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said:

That must have been one hell of a dream !  

On Monday, 10 September, 2007, Anonymous ideru said:

what a news...whewwww...  

On Tuesday, 11 September, 2007, Anonymous Micheals said:

Tears will be shed if anything untoward happens to Koizumi's follicles. Many people consider it to be the 8th wonder of the world, soon to be designated "an area of outstanding natural beauty".  

On Tuesday, 11 September, 2007, Blogger Invader Stu said:

I work for Sony so I'll suggest the game idea from your dream to head office :)  

On Thursday, 13 September, 2007, Anonymous Ted said:

China wouldn't take Koizumi's hair. It violates their one-child policy.  

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