Once upon a time there was a city called Osaka.
In this city lived a man with an idea. His idea would not quite eradicate world poverty or transform the world in a meaningful way, but it would certainly tickle the taste buds of those that dared to try his creamy delights - and there's no suggestion of sexual peccadilloes in that sentence.
The aforementioned man toiled for hours in his creamy kitchen, endeavoring to come up with the perfect recipe for his delectable dessert. Finally, after a lot of wrist-work (with the whisk), the ingredients were set:
2 oz flour
10 cc water
1 oz butter
20 cc milk
a little bit of beard
And this was the result....
He had the recipe, he had the product, but new problems presented themselves....
"Now, what should I call my new shop from which to sell my creamy lumps?" he pondered as he stroked his beard and glanced at the photo of his papa, which he kept on his desk. And suddenly the name was born. Beard Papa. And to think, a minute later and it would've been Fart Photocopier.
He was all set. He creamed his creamy concoction by day and night and couldn't wait to get it down the throats and across the faces of man or woman - and there's no suggestion of sexual peccadilloes in that sentence.
Beard Papa's cream puffs do NOT, as this advert suggests, cause lips to swell up.
On a recent sojourn in England, my stubble was tickled to see a Beard Papa on London's Oxford Street, which isn't, incidentally, anywhere near Oxford.
People walking past Beard Papa on Oxford Street.
However, I was alarmed by my fellow English people's lack of interest, for the shop was completely bereft of human inhabitants, rather like Diego Garcia.
Beard Papa, with chairs waiting to be occupied by cream-lovers - and there's no suggestion of sexual peccadilloes in that sentence.
It's quite possible that it's the price that's prohibitive, with a single creamy cream puff coming in at 1 pound 29p ($2.40 / 260yen) - rather shocking when you know that in Japan it only costs 130yen to fill your mouth with one lump of the creamy custard - and there's no suggestion of....oh whatever.....