Walk the streets of Japan for more than a few minutes and you'll quickly realise that people here absolutely love coffee, although NEVER just by itself....

Here's a splendid one for starters....


Sounds nice....






Ever tried a coffee pizza?


Switching the word order may cause confusion....

Even the "&" is back to front.


Wouldn't beer be better?


Not for the indecisive....

"I'll have a coffee, no wait, make that a tea, hang on, coffee, no tea, coffee..." etc etc

No such dilemmas here....


Perfect for the more hirsute members of society....



Enjoy a drink with the popular Japanese figure skater.


A kick in the teeth with every cappuccino!

[Bottom three photos courtesy of London Shop Fronts]

Both were plucked from obscurity before going on to become superstars.

Both found fame and fortune through the art of singing.

Both are human beings.

But that's pretty much where the similarities end. One is more likely to be found enjoying haggis rather than sushi, but then Shingo always did have strange eating habits.

Shingo Katori of boy band SMAP.


SMAP (short for Some Mammals Are Potty) is Japan's longest running man band, formed in 1972 and still going strong. It comprises five members, all of whom spend most of their time on TV singing, acting, cooking and endorsing a wide range of household products.

On their recent TV show, which usually features singing, acting, cooking and the endorsement of a wide range of household products, they did a piece where Shingo got made up as Susan Boyle.

They recreated the Britain's Got Talent show where Susan first appeared in front of Simon Cowell in a brown dress, although they had to reshoot that scene so Simon could slip into something more appropriate.


On the SMAP show, another member of the man band played the part of Simon Cowell....

Left: Simon Cowell. Right: Fully clothed Tsuyoshi Kusanagi.


And a woman in a blonde wig played the part of Amanda Holden....

Left: Amanda Holden. Right: Fully clothed Amanda Holden :(


And then onto the stage walked Shingo who, in preparation for the part, had either spent a good few hours in the make-up chair or else spent more than a good few hours down at his local Mr Donuts....

Left: Shingo. Right: Susan


Then it all went a bit weird. As if it wasn't already a little odd....


She starts singing Amazing Grace, but every so often glances off-stage at someone in the wings....someone doing something sinister in the shadows. No, it wasn't Takuya Kimura performing an indecent act on Hank Marvin; it seemed to be someone holding a microphone.


At this point the truth begins to dawn.....



It's not Susan Boyle singing. She's miming. The person in the wings is singing for her - but the singer is making a hash of it, making poor Susan look like a right old mess.

SMAP appear to be suggesting that Boyle is a fraud.

As Boyle messes up, Cowell spots the shadowy figure in the wings, and the panel of judges suspect Boyle has been miming. Boyle maintains that it was she who'd been singing, as the person in the wings runs off.

"Is that Elaine Paige over there?"


And that's where it ended, though there may or may not be another part of this story to come.

Here's a shortened version of the SMAP show featuring Shingo Boyle....

Running time: 150 seconds.

Kyodo News has been reporting that the Japanese government has this evening issued an urgent recall regarding the dress shirt worn by Prime Minister Hatoyama at a stage-managed photo opportunity meeting with parents regarding childcare allowance earlier in the day.

The authorities stated that the shirt is in breach of health and safety laws.

When pressed, officials admitted that it could result in acute embarrassment if worn in public places.

Furthermore, it could also cause great offence to the people in whose presence it is worn.

Senior government aides assured people that if treated with care, the shirt should pose no immediate threat to dignity, but that it should nevertheless be returned to the dealership from which it was purchased forthwith.

Top left bottom centre middle right left: Hatoyama


A very dangerous shirt.

The Man Under The Platform


While walking along the platform of your local train station, have you ever wondered what's going on beneath your feet?

No, neither have I.

However, I recently discovered that there is a man down there performing a very important role.



For it is his job to ensure that the wheels of incoming trains are perfectly aligned with the tracks on which they come in on.

The slightest discrepancy or irregularity will be immediately addressed by the man under the platform, thereby guaranteeing the smooth continuation of an impeccable nationwide service.

During the rush hour, they usually work in pairs....


Two men under a platform waiting for the 7.57 bound for Tokyo.


Rarely spoken of and seldom seen, the man under the platform does not seek the limelight, nor recognition.

Instead, he simply goes about his duty responsibly and diligently, with the sole aim of ensuring that those using the train service can do so secure in the knowledge that the width of the track will be precisely the same as the distance between the wheels of the train on which they are travelling. No wider. No narrower.


A bullet train arriving perfectly as the man under the platform looks on.