Aso on TV all the time. Hatoyama clutching a bunch of mics on the news every day. Politicians outside train stations shouting through megaphones. Vans trundling through neighbourhoods with loudspeakers blaring out. Any one would think there was a general election going on. Oh wait a minute.

The nation is deciding. Now.

It seems that voters face a straight choice between a man:
...from a political and industrial elite
...whose grandfather was prime minister
...whose family founded a giant industrial company
...who studied in the United States
...who studied at an elite university (Stanford)

and a man:
...from a political and industrial elite
...whose grandfather was prime minister
...whose family founded a giant industrial company
...who studied in the United States
...who studied at an elite university (Stanford)

If I was a betting man, I'd put a ton of money on the winner of this election being a man:
...from a political and industrial elite
...whose grandfather was prime minister
...whose family founded a giant industrial company
...who studied in the United States
...who studied at an elite university (Stanford)


The streets are awash with photos of candidates with pleasant smiles and cheesy grins, though the guy in this one looks like he'd rather settle the election in a more physical way than the law currently allows...


Shaping up for a fight?


In the olden days, elections were settled with games of rock, paper, scissors, but more recently, polling stations and voting slips are used.

Polling stations have been open since seven this morning and the early signs are that there could be a record turnout.

Here a young voter arrives at her local polling station to cast her ballot...

In recent weeks, the news and gossip shows have been giving almost blanket coverage to one story in particular.

As most of you will know, it concerns Nori-P, a singer/actress who went missing after her husband's arrest when he was found in possession of stimulant drugs - and we're not talking about a jar of Nescafe here.

The drugs were found in his underpants, though the police had originally thought he was just pleased to see them.

However, after rummaging around his nether regions, they quickly realised that it wasn't an erection at all, but actually a suspicious looking package. He was promptly arrested, while Nori-P went AWOL.

After six days in hiding, she handed herself in to the authorities. Police are now fiddling with her follicles in order to ascertain whether she has used the stimulant drugs, though critics have suggested that the boys in blue merely want to run their fingers through her gorgeous hair. Once the results of the tests on her hair come back, the facts of the case may become clearer.


Nori-P's exceptional hair is now undergoing lab tests.


TV shows have been covering every aspect of the case, from explaining why drugs don't work to footage showing the cell where she's being kept - which is larger than some regular Japanese apartments.

Of course, the conspiracy theorists are already out in force, suggesting that the woman who handed herself in to police was not Nori-P at all, but a lookalike.

With echoes of The Beatles' Paul is Dead conspiracy theory from the 1960s, the theorists are going so far as to say that Nori-P may also have copped it – they point to the last three letters of her nickname as evidence – RI-P.

Furthermore, the letters in her name are the same as the acronym for Northern Oklahoma Research and Investigations of the Paranormal, which all sounds rather mysterious.

Theorists are also making connections between Nori-P and her alleged drug use:

• Anagrams of her real name (Noriko Sakai) come out variously as "A oak oink, sir", "A ski on air, ok" and "A oak, I rink so" - exactly the things you might say if you were hepped up on goofballs.

• Her best selling single to date is Aoi Usagi (Blue Bunny). The question being asked is: "In what state of mind are you most likely to see a blue bunny?"

• Theorists have also talked about how events leading up to her disappearance suggested things were not quite as they seemed, proved by this photo when Nori-P mistook Kitty-chan for her husband on a recent outing to Roppongi Hills. A mistake easily made with a clear head?

Nori-P on a date with her "husband".

It'll be up to to the hair-fondling cops to decide whether Nori-P is guilty of drug dabbling, and up to the public to decide if she will be allowed to resume her acting career. Either way, her days of geezin a bit of dee gee are almost certainly over.

This fantastic photo has been doing the rounds in the last few days, and deservedly so.

Melissa Brandt and her partner had set up their camera beside this stunning lake in Canada's Banff National Park, set the timer and taken their position. Just as the shutter went, a squirrel popped up from nowhere and posed for the shot.

To be honest, I have my doubts about the authenticity of the story. I mean, the squirrel is so perfectly in focus and so well framed that I can't help thinking the couple hurried into the shot just as the squirrel took the photo.




The photo was taken this month, the very same month in which Japan goes to the polls.

The forthcoming election is the talk of the towns across the country as history will likely be made, with the ruling Liberal Democratic Party (LDP) almost certainly winning yet again, making them the longest ruling party ever, breaking a long held record which they already hold and are likely to keep hold of for a very long time indeed.

For some reason, they always win. They've been in power for almost the whole time since 1955. They never lose, even if they try to. They can't not win. They can not not not lose.

However, the main opposition party, the Democratic Party (DP), are doing well in the opinion polls. As a result, the DP are starting to believe that they can win this election. But they probably won't. Because the LDP always win.

That said, the election campaign is being fiercely fought. In recent days the DP's leader, Yukio Hatoyama, was out on the streets showing off his party's manifesto....




Not to be outdone, the current prime minister, Taro Aso, has also presented his party's manifesto to the nation.....




A senior member of the DP, Ichiro Ozawa, has also been campaigning across the country, keeping his mouth firmly shut, despite hordes of journalists urging him to say something....


Journalists waited a full 30 minutes before giving up and going home.


So here's a list of the main contenders:

TARO ASO
Liberal Democratic Party

The current prime minister of Japan and likely to be so for some time to come.







YUKIO HATOYAMA
Democratic Party

His gramps was Japan's prime minister in the 1950s.









BILL CLINTON
The Bill Clinton Party

Bill still has a lot to give.







THE SQUIRREL
Squirrel Democratic Party

A fan of nuts and cameras, this squirrel isn't shy and knows how to work the media.






Who would you like to see win the general election at the end of this month?
(poll closes on election day)

Outside Chion-in in Kyoto.
I think I know what they mean....




Just wondering what "cai" means.....




I guess you might feel warm and cosy in this bar....




When it comes to shop names, you can't beat something short and snappy to get the attention of customers....


"I'll be back later - just popping over to Love Boat Save the Girls Girls Save the World Love Boat."




I'm also a fan of beautiful proportion.


A cafe that quite possibly sells good earthy food. Or contaminated.




Hopefully this will put an end to all those trigger-happy temple-goers shooting about the place.


Kyoto: hunt geishas not guns (but don't harm them) (the geishas, that is).

OK it's not a sign, but it would be if it was.


This jacket somehow looks familiar.....

I know, I know. "Pants in space? So what? All astronauts wear pants in space."

Yes, but the latest space shuttle voyage was different, for one of the crew wore the same pair for a whole month. Yes, you heard me right: one pair - one month.

Call me a stickler for hygiene, but that sounded like a loooong time to have the same piece of cloth wrapped around a part of the body which, following even the most rigorous of bathing rituals, tends to stay fragrant for about as long as it takes Usain Bolt to run the 100 metres......until I heard that these were no ordinary underpants.

Scientists based in Tokyo were trumpeting these prototype pants as being:

• water-absorbent
• bacteria-killing
• anti-static
• flame-resistant

and most importantly of all,

• odour-eating

It's not clear whether Japanese astronaut Koichi Wakata volunteered for the experiment, or whether his wife put him forward for it.

Either way, Koichi agreed and evidently wasn't put off by the thought of scientists poking around his smalls with tweezers and scalpels upon his return from space.

I was impressed by Koichi's courage to undertake the challenge in the name of science. He's obviously a brave man, though of course he had the security of knowing that these pants were special, designed specifically to be worn for long periods of time; designed not to accumulate hideous odours; designed to absorb nuisance dribbles; designed not to catch fire the day after a kimchi dinner. But then again, it was an experiment - there were no guarantees.

To see what can happen to regular pants when worn for a month, I decided to conduct an experiment of my own. Some people advised me against it. Others said I might end up in hospital. One friend suggested I write my will.

But I was determined.

The first few days went without a hitch. The smell wasn't particularly unpleasant, and psychologically I was holding up well. But after a week, things started turning nasty, and after four weeks, well, you don't want to know.

But I can tell you something - in a month they went from this....





to this....




Regular underpants after not being changed for a month.


I immediately went onto my balcony in my stinking pants, raised my hands to the heavens and shouted loudly, wishing Koichi all the luck in the world and space and far beyond as he sailed above me in his spaceship.

Yesterday Koichi, his pants and the rest of the crew returned safely to Earth, though as they came in to land at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida, there was a tense moment in the cockpit....




Snipers followed Koichi's every move after landing, in case the pants tried to make a run for it.


The snipers had stated unequivocally that, if necessary, they were ready and willing to take the pants out. There's obviously no room for sentimentality when it comes to rancid underpants.


The welcoming party at the Kennedy Space Center was suitably attired for Koichi's homecoming....




The latest reports out of the Space Center are that on first inspection the pants were in good shape, despite them having to be surgically removed.

Whether the experiment is deemed a success or not, there was no doubting the sheer profundity of the incredible moment the other night when Koichi took the first ever space walk for special pants, witnessed live on TV by millions around the world.

It'll be one of those moments in life where you'll never forget what you were doing when it happened (I was watching Koichi do a space walk on TV).


Koichi steps bravely from the shuttle into the great abyss, with his pants on.

Underpants will surely never be the same again.