<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener("load", function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <iframe src="http://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID=11451155&amp;blogName=an+englishman+in+osaka&amp;publishMode=PUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT&amp;navbarType=BLUE&amp;layoutType=CLASSIC&amp;searchRoot=http://anenglishmaninosaka.blogspot.com/search&amp;blogLocale=en_GB&amp;homepageUrl=http://anenglishmaninosaka.blogspot.com/&amp;vt=-2071890055428170573" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" height="30px" width="100%" id="navbar-iframe" allowtransparency="true" title="Blogger Navigation and Search"></iframe> <div></div>

great japanese inventions (1)

Saturday, March 28, 2009
.....that may or may not have been invented in Japan.


The Vending Machine


The vending machine can be found on every street corner throughout the country. They sell everything from memories of the Edo period to wigs with anger management issues. But perhaps most surprisingly of all, you can buy chilled drinks in cans too.

For people walking down the street while shaving, vending machines with batteries are a lifesaver, for as you can imagine, arriving at work with only half a beard could well cause loss of face, even though you can still see half of it.



A vending machine selling batteries for people who shave while walking.



300 yen for two big ones, suitable for giant shavers.


Occasionally machines are painted bright colours to ensure that you'll feel compelled to put money into it should you pass it by of a morning or possibly at another time of day....


A very pink vending machine.


Many machines gather in small groups and sell booze together under an awning....




.....while others display breasts in an effort to gain attention, even though the machine isn't actually selling breasts....


Someone putting money into this machine hoping for breasts in return will be disappointed.





With so many vending machines around the country vying for business, the ones that can't cut it fall by the wayside....



....and are left to rot....


A knackered vending machine.


Competition is fierce and unrelenting, and as a result some companies use grammatically correcting English with excelent speling to get the attention of passers-by....




Some prices are postively crushed all the way down to almost nothing....



The vending machine. Open for business - always (apart from the ones selling alcohol, which shut down in the evening).

mister TV set to retire

Saturday, March 21, 2009



Whether it's Mina Munta, Mona Manta or even Mino Monta, the fact is that Japan's top TV presenter, Mino Monta, is very soon to retire.

It's been a remarkable career for the Mino, who in 2008 broke the world record for the most hours of live TV coverage in a single week. And who previously held the record? Why, Mister Mino Monta of course!




Last year, the Guinness World Records' head honcho popped over to Japan to present Mino with a certificate, and to welcome him to the wonderful world of record holders.




Mino presents a whopping 70 shows a week, from breakfast to lunch, afternoon to evening and then through the night. This remarkable man sleeps only between shows, for about fifteen minutes at a time.

And here's an excerpt from a typical TV schedule....




Mino also hosts the twice-a-day-show Who Wants to be a Millionaire, even though a million yen isn't worth that much at all.

The Japanese version is very similar to the British original, with the chance to phone a friend or ask the audience. The main difference is that every single question in the show is about the presenter himself....











It'll be sad day when, come April, Mino's familiar face will no longer be seen on television screens here.

His colleagues at all of the TV stations where he works (which means all of the TV stations) have kindly got him a little retirement gift....



....just so that he can keep up appearances.

ropey soap

Saturday, March 14, 2009
With unemployment steadily growing in popularity, more and more people are succumbing to the sordid pleasures of daytime television. For many, it's like a Class A drug - you know it's going to screw you up, but you just can't stop turning to it when you're feeling down.

With this being Japan an' all, there are, not surprisingly, a lot of Japanese actors on TV shows here.

It's pretty rare to see a Western face. Even rarer to hear him speaking English. Even rarer to have him speaking English without subtitles. Even rarer to have him play an American with a British accent. Even rarer to have him playing the father of a woman who is, in real life, older than he is. All in all, the whole thing was like a steak on a plate oozing with oodles of the red stuff. No not bloody. Just very very rare.

The key scene in a recent edition of one particular show had a father meeting his daughter for the first time in many years.


The father enters the restaurant. The daughter waits patiently while looking at a photo of herself as a young child.


The father spots her and politely introduces himself....


Despite speaking, the actress refuses to acknowledge the actor, suggesting perhaps some kind of recent altercation during rehearsals.


The daughter eventually stands and greets her father. Even though it's not in the script, the actor decides to move in. This screenshot was taken precisely five seconds before their awkward embrace.


The actor prepares his hands for a bit of a feel.


Judging by her reaction (see video at the end of this post), he certainly held onto something very tightly.


A gripping moment during the tense scene.


The actor stops speaking and holds the embrace. There's a long silence. No one moves for quite a while.




Three minutes later and they're still entwined. The father must have really missed her.


The actress has a flashback to rehearsals.


After being prized apart by a concerned waiter, the daughter shows her father the photograph.


The daughter is the little one on the bottom right hand corner and the father is the guy in the hat.


His reaction to the photo displays a subtle tenderness mixed with a fair amount of psychotic laughter....


The father reacts ominously to the photo taken the previous day 30 years before.


Seeing an opportunity, the actor takes his chance and moves in for another hug....


This, the second hug in a series of seven, is by far the most assertive.


Not surprisingly, it all ends in tears. Take a look at this short clip to witness some choice acting....



Running time: Two minutes

stump lickin' good!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

STOP PRESS


It's not the Titanic; it's not even the Mary Rose. And it's certainly not the Great Barrier Reef. But like all of these, it's been under water for a bloody long time.

Covered in excrement and bereft of hands, a statue of Colonel Sanders - the KFC guy - was yesterday pulled from the muddy murky waters of the Dotonbori Canal in central Osaka, 24 years after being dumped in there by a disgruntled diner.


Colonel Sanders (on the left).


The Curse of Colonel Sanders has, in the intervening years, caused thousands of greasy-fingered diners to leg it wide-eyed to the toilet before their digestive tract has had a chance to say "Where's the dunny?"

It's hoped that with the re-emergence of the Colonel, the curse will finally be lifted, allowing diners to once again refrain from carrying extra packs of tissues in their handbags.

Once the knackered statue has been hosed down and disinfected, it will likely be placed back in the kitchen next to where they keep the raw meat for the chicken burgers.


Judging by their issues in the limb department, I bet the ol' Colonel and the Venus de Milo could have a right good time together....


Colonel Sanders and the Venus de Milo - a match made in heaven?

12,000 yen ideas....

Saturday, March 07, 2009
The recession will soon be over.

Prime Minister Aso is to give everyone in Japan 12,000 yen to spend. It's intended to kick-start the economy, but is more likely to kick-start the nothing.

The total handout amounts to some 2 trillion yen, which is a number with a lot of zeros on the end.

Here's a guide to what your 12,000 yen (about GB£85 / US$120) can buy you......


40 Hello Kitty face masks, so that you don't have to smell the rot





One lifebelt - ideal for sinking economies





The zip of a Louis Vuitton bag





70 cans of Snow White beer - to drown your economic sorrows





A thigh pillow to snuggle up to while you dream about full employment for the world





A manly arm for the ladies so that you can feel nice and secure in these troubled times





One pair of inflatable breasts........does there need to be a reason for everything?





Four piggy banks because, let's face it, that's where the handout is going to end up for most people





Six copies of this feel-good book to help you make the most of other people's misfortunes





And five copies of this feel-crap book just in case things get really bad




So what will you buy with your 12,000 yen?